November 13, 2010

Dear Lucia,

Happy two months!! I can't believe the big girl you are becoming!! Now you have officially been home more than you've been in the hospital. Amazing!! Finally. Unfortunately, this means my maternity leave is almost over. I'm so sad at the thought of leaving you, but it's a sacrifice that I only hope you will understand. I hope I can work from home parttime. I am doing what I need to do so that you may have a good life. I want to make sure we have healthcare. I am doing what I have to. Please know that you are on my mind all the time, and I hate being apart from you. I know I will savor those times together even more, and I will always hold you close to me. It will be challenging because ever since I started this job, I was pregnant. You were always with me. I would take long walks at lunchtime, walk around Madison Avenue, upper east side, near the water. I would window shop, people watch, stroll through Central Park. I would touch my tummy and talk to you. I know you loved these walks because you would move all over the place and kick me often. I felt so close to you. This will be the first time I will be doing these walks without you. You are forever in my heart, so I will carry you with me in that way.

As I type you are in your Beco Gemini carrier, snuggling against me. You are sucking away on your paci, and it feels almost like breastfeeding! Haha. Still hoping you can do that one day. Your swallow test keeps getting moved, and now with returning to work I'm not sure how I can do it. You need to do it so you can have this tube removed!! You are making so much progress. You took 140 mL at one feeding today!! That's insane. And in like 20 minutes. You are so alert, more and more awake each day. You look for Daddy and me when you hear our voices. You like to try to grab toys. You enjoy tummy time on the Boppy. You continue to amaze and impress me. You have new "tricks" every day.

Daddy is at a show in the city tonight for a well-deserved night out. I wasn't ready to leave you for that long, but I've been relaxing at home. We had your grandparents over for chili and am now relaxing with you on the bed. You are wide awake and so much fun to relax with. I filed your nails, gave you some infant massage with olive oil cream. Now you are just staring at me and sucking away on your paci. You remind me of Maggie Simpson. I know I'll need nights out too at some point, but tonight I'm enjoying and savoring time in with you. I love you so much.

Two months ago you were born and just look at all that has happened. Look how far you've come. Baby, you amaze me.

I love you.

Love,
Mama