Dear Lucia,
A whole week has passed and I haven't written. This was our last week together, home alone, just you and I. I'm heartbroken, but I know you need me to be strong for you. You have consistently been such a strong girl, no matter how scary the circumstance. I will never forget how you looked up at me, finally eyes wide open, the day of your MRI on 9/23. Amanda and Daddy were with me, and we prayed for you in the hospital chapel. I remember thinking oh please, please just pull through, just give us a sign of hope. You gave us several signs every day of your growing strength. I clung to each little step you'd take, and soon you were jumping leaps and bounds and I could barely keep up. I need an ounce of your strength this week, my love. I have to be brave and do what I have to do. This is a sacrifice, little lamb, that I hope you'll understand. Every single thing I do is for you. Please know that. I will always do what I think is best, and I will always be there for you. I may not be near you every second of the day, but you are always in my heart and on my mind. I will always be on your side, and I will do anything for your happiness and wellbeing. You are all I'd ever dreamt of, the most beautiful baby ever. Daddy and I look at your and tears well up in my eyes because no matter what else is going on in my life I look at you, and it's like all my dreams came true, all our dreams came true. I have to focus on that, on the light and the hope that you bring to me every day. I know that I will savor every minute with you, and maybe I will appreciate everything we do together even more.
I'm so proud of you. You are on ONLY bottles now, no more feeding tube. I hope we don't go back to the tube ever again. I can see and pinch both of your cute little cheeks now. I can see you now as a healthy, happy, pink-cheeked baby. You look perfect, an angel. I am so proud!! I am still pumping milk, and you are still on thickened feeds, but it's a huge leap in the right direction. Ack - I need to go give you a bottle now. You are so hungry, growing so fast. You are 23" and 10lbs, 7oz!!
i love you immeasurably!!
Love, Mama
I know it's been a difficult week for you. Lucia is in good hands and she knows that you love her, even when you can't be with her. Treasure every moment you have with her! She is a blessing!
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