March 21, 2011

Dear Lucia,

As I type this, it's snowing. It's the first full day of spring, and it's snowing.

You are over 6 months now, and you are getting so big. I can't keep up with all of your changes. We had a test last week to see if your swallow had improved. You are getting there, but you are still aspirating thin liquids into your lungs. We still need to thicken your milk. But... we also tested how you did with purees and you did fine! You can't wait to have more foods. You took the spoon very well, and you seemed very interested in the taste and texture of rice cereal. I hope this will help with your weight gain a bit. You are such a long, lean string bean!! You are 26" and still less than 13 lbs. Your head circumference and length are on track, so your doctor isn't terribly concerned. You are very active! You must have your father's metabolism; you sure didn't inherit mine. Good for you. :)

You are making amazing strides in physical therapy. I believe the word Cheryl used last week to describe her thoughts was "ecstatic". :) You love working on the ball, and you are getting stronger core muscles every day. You like tummy time a little bit more because you roll over onto your back very easily. So when you get mad enough, you roll over. It's hard to keep you on your tummy. You are practicing sitting up unassisted. This makes me smile because this is what all babies are doing. You are not behind. You are on track. I'm starting to feel a little something like relief. Of course I still get scared. Of course. But at the same time, what I see are weaknesses and strengths, which are characteristic of all people, babies and adults. I don't see anything that you can't do. You just need a little support and help in certain tasks. You are so focused, so driven, that you work hard to complete anything you are given. You are a fast learner. It was hard to see that you are still aspirating, but the dr reminded me of your "rough start" which I of course already remember and can never forget. At the same time, however, it's amazing to think that so far this is our main issue. This is workable, you will do this. We learned exercises to do and ways we can assist you, and we will do that. You can do this.

So that is where I choose to focus. Optimism. You have overcome so much. You will get there. Remembering your painful first few days on this earth, I am humbled and reminded of how much you have accomplished. I look at you every night at bedtime, and I kiss you and thank you for fighting to come home to us. You are my beautiful, happy little girl. You haven't said "mama" yet, but you say, "mmmm-ma" which is close enough for me. You are my little girl. At nighttime I hold you and I dance with you, and it is the highlight of my day. As hard as it is to go back to your birth, it puts everything into perspective for me.

I love you, big girl!

Love, Mama

March 12, 2011

Dear Lucia,

Wow, I'm so sorry that I'm bad at updating this regularly! You keep me so busy. When I get home from work, I get that 1.5-2 hours with you and after that time I'm ready to drop. You are so much fun these days, and I am finally breathing some sighs of sweet relief. You are sitting well with help. You smile, giggle, sing/coo/talk constantly. You clearly have so much to say. You are definitely my daughter! Your hair is so long and wild! I finally have to keep it in a ponytail on top of your head because I cannot otherwise tame it. You have the most easygoing and loving personality. You are so easygoing and happy, carefree. It seems fitting after all you have gone through in your short life thus far - why worry about the small stuff when you've had to endure much more scary stuff? You are enjoying tummy time on your ball - you love bouncing. You are sitting up in your high chair, banging toys around on your tray. You put EVERYTHING in your mouth. You grab at my sweaters, shirts when I change you. You love to roll all over the place. You will be hard to keep up with when you are crawling, walking. You are a vivacious, active, lively spirit. Such a beautiful girl. I don't just say that because you are my daughter. You are BEAUTIFUL. I am so proud of you. I have finally found a group for other mommies who have babies who had a similar rough start in the beginning, and it's amazing - most of them are thriving and doing amazingly just like you! They had the cooling blanket therapy as well. It's so reassuring. It makes me feel much better, breathe easier. You are so amazing, so strong. It may take you slightly longer to do one thing but you WILL do it - you are so passionately determined to whatever you set your mind to. You have such will and drive. You will examine everything you see and take everything in. If you are given something to master, with practice you master it very easily. You want to do it all. You are such a showoff.

Happy 6 months, tomorrow, big girl. I love you so much!

Love, Mama