Dear Lucia,
I'm overwhelmed lately with thoughts of "last year this time". Last year, we had already picked out your birthday of 9/15/10. I was sad about the planning aspect and wanted a surprise. Well, I got one. Last year, on this date, we had an ultrasound, and found out you were still breech. You were looking so cute and chubby, big cheeks, we watched you breathe in and out. You didn't have much room to move in there. You were just relaxing, waiting to be born. They weren't going to take you out earlier just because of size. You weren't finished growing and we wanted you to be healthy.
I remember everything, watching new Mad Men episodes with feet up, trying to enjoy the last few weeks of sleep. Isn't that what everyone tells a soon to be mom? Sleep now. Enjoy your quiet! I was anxious, I knew I had 2 weeks to go and then I would be a mom. I was kind of panicking. What does this mean? How could I do this? How would I be as a mom? Could I do it? I wanted to get good quality sleep, felt pressured to do so, but I wasn't. You were pushing up in my ribs and it was hard to get enough air. I woke up many times throughout the night as rolling over in bed had become a big project that involved moving dogs and rearranging pillows. I had no idea how much weight I'd gained but knew it was a lot. I waddled. I had to stop and catch my breath. I had a running countdown in my head, and I planned my hospital bag packing accordingly. So when I started feeling crampy on Sun. 9/12, I thought it was nothing, you were not coming yet. You were scheduled for 9/15. I started to enjoy the knowledge of when you would arrive, the preparation it allowed for. So when I woke up on 9/13 and felt less movement, I thought it was just because you were 9lbs, and you couldn't move as easily in my belly. I never thought you were under any distress. It wasn't until a certain worry set in, I couldn't remember when you'd last moved. Up until then I was just worried about the csection. How would that go? Would I be able to room in and breastfeed? Would the catheter be icky? I contemplated changes to my ever evolving birth plan. I told Daddy to go and be with you as soon as he could. I didnt' realize and could not prepare for them taking you to resuscitate you. I didn't know you'd require blood transfusions. I didn't know you wouldn't be breathing. You are so amazing and such a big girl now, I barely can picture you as that little baby. I couldn't see you. I saw you briefly when they brought you in all wrapped up but they were afraid of you crashing and they swooped you back. No one told me. In hindsight I'm glad. I would have started freaking out sooner. I could rest while they sewed me up, remembering your blond eyelashes, big blue eyes. I wouldn't see you again until you were on the stretcher ready for helicopter transport to Philadelphia. As we approach the anniversary of this bittersweet day that forever changed my life, I am so grateful. I look at a year's worth of photos, of memories, and realize that I almost didn't get to have these times. I came so close to not taking you home, to losing you before we'd even had the chance to bond.
Flash forward to this year. I am so grateful. Every moment I get to share with you, I savor. These cool late summer evenings, crickets chirping, remind me of being huge in the belly, grateful for cool air and windows open. You hug me, you snuggle against me while I give you your bottle. We could never breastfeed, but I've pumped for almost a year now. It has been a bumpy road, lots of fears, tests, worries. But you continue to amaze everyone. Every single doctor who has reviewed your thick charts is amazed, doesn't anticipate you to be the feisty, strong, alert, intelligent, bubbly little girl that you are. You are so full of life, so happy. We are planning your birthday party, and what a celebration it will be. A year of life for my Lucia Hope. This is just the beginning. We can relax a bit now, we can take deep breaths. You are here. We didn't lose you. These things are starting to actually sink in. It's hard, I'll be honest, I know how well you are doing, but I am afraid sometimes. I want you to have every opportunity in the world, I want you to have less obstacles and challenges. I am your mom, and it is how I feel, at night after I put you down to sleep and kiss your head. I kiss your head and every single night, I stroke it and I think how amazing that little brain it contains is, what a strong baby you are. What a hit that brain took, and yet here you are... I love you, Lucia. I know there is nothing you can't do. Every day it gets easier to focus on the present and dream for the future.
Love, Mama
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
August 24, 2011
Dear Lucia,
We are planning your first birthday party. I am reminded how bittersweet of a moment this is. I remember last summer, and I remember what it felt like when you moved and kicked, when you headbutted my ribs. I am remembering swollen feet and aching back. I remember never having to be separated from you. Today I am at work, and you are at home, and you have a fever. I wish I could go hold you and comfort you. Lately, when I hold you, I sense how much you miss me and need me to hold you. You hug me. Your face lights up when I come home. I miss you during the day, and I think of you often. Working has not gotten easier, but I do it. I am remembering last year, today, we had an ultrasound. I was 36 weeks pregnant. You were about 7 lbs! We found out that since you were breech we'd have to have a csection. We found out that at the next appointment, we'd schedule your birthday. I hated this, wanted a surprise, wanted a natural birth (with epidural on standby). Well, we got one. We know where the story goes from here.
An entire year has passed. It's been a roller coaster. I've tried to enjoy as much as I can and not live in fear, not worry, but I'd be lying if I said I never worried. I want nothing but the best for you. You are becoming such a little strong personality, such a fighter, such a big girl. You are starting to cruise, take steps. It's all up from here. I think that we will both breathe a sigh of relief when you are crawling and walking. It's like those are the big milestones. Every other little detail, we can deal with. You still have some feeding challenges, but so be it. You are here, and you are so alive. That's what counts. You are eating more and more finger foods, preferring to feed yourself. You are Miss Independent. You continue to be so happy, laughing, talking, singing. You have 1000 different expressions, and each one is full of your beautiful sense of humor, your energy, your light. You are living up to your name's meaning. You are such a beacon of light in my world. No matter what happens in the day to day, you are this glowing light at the day's end. You are such a delight to come home to. Some nights I don't get as much time to spend with you as I'd like. Rather than let this depress me, I try to focus on every second I have and enjoy it. You have taught me to live in the moment. When something catches up with me, and I'm with you, you distract me. You bring me back to present.
Daddy and I have savored every minute and will continue to do so. We've not let the pain and anguish of your start in life take that away. That being said, it's hard to believe what we have overcome together. I look at a year's worth of pictures, and it's amazing, how far you have come. I know you won't remember any of it. We'll tell you one day. We'll take you to Philadelphia, where doctors fought 24/7 to save your life, to preserve your brain, keep you alive and safe. We'll show you where you were taken by helicopter, hooked up to life supports, where I lived every day for a month, by your side. I'm so grateful for this year. I don't know what I would have done, and I can't imagine life without you. I am so grateful for you, for my daughter. I love you so much. I cannot wait to celebrate your birthday, focus on the joy that entered my world on that day and honor the pain as well.
Love, Mama
We are planning your first birthday party. I am reminded how bittersweet of a moment this is. I remember last summer, and I remember what it felt like when you moved and kicked, when you headbutted my ribs. I am remembering swollen feet and aching back. I remember never having to be separated from you. Today I am at work, and you are at home, and you have a fever. I wish I could go hold you and comfort you. Lately, when I hold you, I sense how much you miss me and need me to hold you. You hug me. Your face lights up when I come home. I miss you during the day, and I think of you often. Working has not gotten easier, but I do it. I am remembering last year, today, we had an ultrasound. I was 36 weeks pregnant. You were about 7 lbs! We found out that since you were breech we'd have to have a csection. We found out that at the next appointment, we'd schedule your birthday. I hated this, wanted a surprise, wanted a natural birth (with epidural on standby). Well, we got one. We know where the story goes from here.
An entire year has passed. It's been a roller coaster. I've tried to enjoy as much as I can and not live in fear, not worry, but I'd be lying if I said I never worried. I want nothing but the best for you. You are becoming such a little strong personality, such a fighter, such a big girl. You are starting to cruise, take steps. It's all up from here. I think that we will both breathe a sigh of relief when you are crawling and walking. It's like those are the big milestones. Every other little detail, we can deal with. You still have some feeding challenges, but so be it. You are here, and you are so alive. That's what counts. You are eating more and more finger foods, preferring to feed yourself. You are Miss Independent. You continue to be so happy, laughing, talking, singing. You have 1000 different expressions, and each one is full of your beautiful sense of humor, your energy, your light. You are living up to your name's meaning. You are such a beacon of light in my world. No matter what happens in the day to day, you are this glowing light at the day's end. You are such a delight to come home to. Some nights I don't get as much time to spend with you as I'd like. Rather than let this depress me, I try to focus on every second I have and enjoy it. You have taught me to live in the moment. When something catches up with me, and I'm with you, you distract me. You bring me back to present.
Daddy and I have savored every minute and will continue to do so. We've not let the pain and anguish of your start in life take that away. That being said, it's hard to believe what we have overcome together. I look at a year's worth of pictures, and it's amazing, how far you have come. I know you won't remember any of it. We'll tell you one day. We'll take you to Philadelphia, where doctors fought 24/7 to save your life, to preserve your brain, keep you alive and safe. We'll show you where you were taken by helicopter, hooked up to life supports, where I lived every day for a month, by your side. I'm so grateful for this year. I don't know what I would have done, and I can't imagine life without you. I am so grateful for you, for my daughter. I love you so much. I cannot wait to celebrate your birthday, focus on the joy that entered my world on that day and honor the pain as well.
Love, Mama
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
July 27, 2011
Dear Lucia,
You are ten and a half months! I cannot believe it. I write so infrequently but life is so busy these days. I can barely keep up. You are on the move. You are doing the commando crawl - scooting on your tummy, dragging yourself by your arms. You will get the hang of crawling, I know it. You also scoot around on your butt, backwards. You are so curious, trying to climb all over me when I hold you. It seems you have all the energy and motivation in the world, you just need a bit more coordination. Before we know it you will be fully mobile and there will be absolutely no stopping you. You love to stand and play at your music table. You dance along to the music. You are so happy, so silly.
You do protest at mealtimes. You want to feed yourself, and every day we try new things. Your appetite isn't so great, as your top teeth slooooowly cut through. My poor baby. You scream and fuss and get so frantic. I know it is those teeth. I try everything - cold teethers, orajel, tylenol, etc and nothing helps you. You just want to be held. And I will hold you all day as long as I can. Poor baby.
I am planning your birthday party, and I am overjoyed that you are already turning one. A whole year ago since your scary beginning turned into a glorious homecoming. I am working on a letter to Dr. Ramos and to your doctors at CHOP. I want them to see the beautiful little girl you have become. You are so happy, smiling, easygoing. You are beautiful. Unless your teeth are bugging you, you don't fuss. You don't complain. You have so much to say. Your baby babble is the cutest thing in the world. I love you, Lucia.
Love, Mama
You are ten and a half months! I cannot believe it. I write so infrequently but life is so busy these days. I can barely keep up. You are on the move. You are doing the commando crawl - scooting on your tummy, dragging yourself by your arms. You will get the hang of crawling, I know it. You also scoot around on your butt, backwards. You are so curious, trying to climb all over me when I hold you. It seems you have all the energy and motivation in the world, you just need a bit more coordination. Before we know it you will be fully mobile and there will be absolutely no stopping you. You love to stand and play at your music table. You dance along to the music. You are so happy, so silly.
You do protest at mealtimes. You want to feed yourself, and every day we try new things. Your appetite isn't so great, as your top teeth slooooowly cut through. My poor baby. You scream and fuss and get so frantic. I know it is those teeth. I try everything - cold teethers, orajel, tylenol, etc and nothing helps you. You just want to be held. And I will hold you all day as long as I can. Poor baby.
I am planning your birthday party, and I am overjoyed that you are already turning one. A whole year ago since your scary beginning turned into a glorious homecoming. I am working on a letter to Dr. Ramos and to your doctors at CHOP. I want them to see the beautiful little girl you have become. You are so happy, smiling, easygoing. You are beautiful. Unless your teeth are bugging you, you don't fuss. You don't complain. You have so much to say. Your baby babble is the cutest thing in the world. I love you, Lucia.
Love, Mama
Friday, July 8, 2011
July 8, 2011
Dear Lucia,
You are almost 10 months old!! I can't believe it. We are already planning your birthday party, which completely blows my mind. A whole year of Lucia, and I almost didn't get to have these memories. I get teary eyed thinking of it. Last year this time, I was pregnant, it was brutally hot summer, and I was excited. I was scared. I was nervous. I learned that you were breech and I'd need to have a csection. Despite all odds, though, you were doing just fine. I saw you every week on the ultrasound. You were so obviously a beautiful, pouty girl. Last night when I was rocking you to sleep, I looked at your smiling, sleeping face, and you looked just like that same baby. After all we've been through, your face is the one I saw all that time. It's surreal. When we snuggle at night, like that, it's the most calming moment of my day. I hate days where I only get that hour before bedtime with you ALL day, but I savor it. I miss you and I know you miss me, and we both need those cuddles in the rocking chair with music and your bottle. It's how I imagined I'd breastfeed you, had I been able to. I'm still sad that I couldn't, and as you get older, I realize that, and I have to mourn it. I am proud I've worked so hard pumping for you, but when I sit there and reflect on being pregnant, and of all the dreams I'd had, that was one. Nothing went as planned. Nothing. That being said, nothing could have prepared me for how happy you'd make me, how much I'd love you. I was so nervous about how I would adjust - would it be difficult, the selfish part of me who's become accustomed to focusing on myself and Daddy was worried about how I'd manage it all, how I could work all day and find time to do everything. It's hard most days. It's challenging. I'm more tired than I've ever been on a consistent basis, but I'm also happier. My life has so much more meaning, because every single thing I do I think about you and how it affects you. Your strength inspires me, Lucia. When I see you doing things that I was afraid you wouldn't do, I cry. You're so happy, so lovable, so perfect.
I'm so glad it's already Friday, glad for the short week, can't wait to go home and snuggle you tonight.
I love you,
Mama
PS - i LOVE that you've actually been saying "mama" a LOT lately. :) It melts my heart every single time.
You are almost 10 months old!! I can't believe it. We are already planning your birthday party, which completely blows my mind. A whole year of Lucia, and I almost didn't get to have these memories. I get teary eyed thinking of it. Last year this time, I was pregnant, it was brutally hot summer, and I was excited. I was scared. I was nervous. I learned that you were breech and I'd need to have a csection. Despite all odds, though, you were doing just fine. I saw you every week on the ultrasound. You were so obviously a beautiful, pouty girl. Last night when I was rocking you to sleep, I looked at your smiling, sleeping face, and you looked just like that same baby. After all we've been through, your face is the one I saw all that time. It's surreal. When we snuggle at night, like that, it's the most calming moment of my day. I hate days where I only get that hour before bedtime with you ALL day, but I savor it. I miss you and I know you miss me, and we both need those cuddles in the rocking chair with music and your bottle. It's how I imagined I'd breastfeed you, had I been able to. I'm still sad that I couldn't, and as you get older, I realize that, and I have to mourn it. I am proud I've worked so hard pumping for you, but when I sit there and reflect on being pregnant, and of all the dreams I'd had, that was one. Nothing went as planned. Nothing. That being said, nothing could have prepared me for how happy you'd make me, how much I'd love you. I was so nervous about how I would adjust - would it be difficult, the selfish part of me who's become accustomed to focusing on myself and Daddy was worried about how I'd manage it all, how I could work all day and find time to do everything. It's hard most days. It's challenging. I'm more tired than I've ever been on a consistent basis, but I'm also happier. My life has so much more meaning, because every single thing I do I think about you and how it affects you. Your strength inspires me, Lucia. When I see you doing things that I was afraid you wouldn't do, I cry. You're so happy, so lovable, so perfect.
I'm so glad it's already Friday, glad for the short week, can't wait to go home and snuggle you tonight.
I love you,
Mama
PS - i LOVE that you've actually been saying "mama" a LOT lately. :) It melts my heart every single time.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
June 28, 2011
Dear Lucia,
I am so horrible at updating this and I should just accept that this is the case. I am doing my best, but life is crazy at times.
First of all, I'm so proud of you. You are finally gaining weight at a regular pace. You gained 11 oz in 3 weeks. At your last weigh-in on June 22, you were up to 14lbs, 5oz! You are 27" long, and you gained 1 centimeter in head circumference. Doctor felt the need to tell me for your length you should be 17lbs, but I am proud of you for gaining as much as you are. I've come to find out that babies who suffered HIE at birth are typically smaller. It's okay as long as your appetite is hearty. And it is. You have loved trying new things - especially blueberries and peaches and spinach! And you LOVE to feed yourself, though I'm cautious about what to give you. You love puffs. You grunt and point at them - so assertive you are! You also LOVE ceiling fans. When I get home in the evening, while I'm cleaning bottles and getting settled, you love to sit in your high chair in the kitchen and eat puffs, sing to me, and stare at the fan. :) You are such a happy, vocal baby.
You are pulling yourself up to standing - you are trying to figure out how to get around. You get so excited by your big exercise ball, and you want to play with both that and your activity table. I know you are cautious and hesitant, but you are getting there. You want to be able to be as independent as you are starting to feel. You have a definite personality of independence. You have no problems telling me what you want and what you do NOT want. You will eat really well or if you don't want to, you don't want to. You make the duck face that makes me laugh, pushing the spoon away defiantly, sticking out your bottom lip. But then other times, if it suits you, you pull the spoon out of my hand and can't get the food in fast enough.
You try so many new things, and you have such an energy for life. I love you so much!!
Love, Mama
I am so horrible at updating this and I should just accept that this is the case. I am doing my best, but life is crazy at times.
First of all, I'm so proud of you. You are finally gaining weight at a regular pace. You gained 11 oz in 3 weeks. At your last weigh-in on June 22, you were up to 14lbs, 5oz! You are 27" long, and you gained 1 centimeter in head circumference. Doctor felt the need to tell me for your length you should be 17lbs, but I am proud of you for gaining as much as you are. I've come to find out that babies who suffered HIE at birth are typically smaller. It's okay as long as your appetite is hearty. And it is. You have loved trying new things - especially blueberries and peaches and spinach! And you LOVE to feed yourself, though I'm cautious about what to give you. You love puffs. You grunt and point at them - so assertive you are! You also LOVE ceiling fans. When I get home in the evening, while I'm cleaning bottles and getting settled, you love to sit in your high chair in the kitchen and eat puffs, sing to me, and stare at the fan. :) You are such a happy, vocal baby.
You are pulling yourself up to standing - you are trying to figure out how to get around. You get so excited by your big exercise ball, and you want to play with both that and your activity table. I know you are cautious and hesitant, but you are getting there. You want to be able to be as independent as you are starting to feel. You have a definite personality of independence. You have no problems telling me what you want and what you do NOT want. You will eat really well or if you don't want to, you don't want to. You make the duck face that makes me laugh, pushing the spoon away defiantly, sticking out your bottom lip. But then other times, if it suits you, you pull the spoon out of my hand and can't get the food in fast enough.
You try so many new things, and you have such an energy for life. I love you so much!!
Love, Mama
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
June 1, 2011
Dear Lucia,
Wow... So you love to show off now. You are gaining weight like a rock star, finally developing chubby baby parts I've missed - cheeks, legs, arm dimples, belly. You had gotten so skinny your ribs were popping out. Glad to see you thriving and looking healthier. The Duocal has really helped you gain and your appetite has gotten stronger as well. You finally have two little teeth caps poking through on the bottom. Those teeth are taking their sweet time coming through, but you are working on them. You are a drool fountain. But despite the pain, you are so happy, smiling, laughing. You are exploring your new teeth with your tongue and often it's sticking out. When you eat you stick out your tongue, move it side to side, make such silly faces. You've tried so many new foods - your newest is watermelon. You like the mesh feeder, but you sometimes twirl it around in your fingers, hold the mushy food side and stick the handle in your mouth.
You love to show off how you can stand - you even pulled yourself up to your activity table to stand all by yourself!! You are tumbling sometimes, and it is scary for me to watch but it's normal. I try to catch you but I don't always. Luckily you recover very quickly. You are such a strong girl, you roll with it. You are so strong, so brave. You are not intimidated - you keep trying, and you know you will get the hang of it. You love to sit on your stool and reach for toys. You love rolling all over now. You love being on your tummy - I remember when this was a battle. I looked down from the dining room to where you were playing on the living room floor and I saw beginnings of crawling - saw you scooting around, spinning, trying to coordinate hands and feet together. You are almost there. We better work on babyproofing soon...
You love to talk, sing, vocalize, test the limits of your voice. And you love music. You are motivated by anything with music. I rocked you to sleep to Elvis the other night - his sweet voice is one of your favorites. Our new bedtime song is "Can't help falling in love with you". Caught Daddy dancing with you to "I only have eyes for you" also...You have truly captured our hearts and you are such a joy. You truly live up to your name. Life can be so hectic, especially these days with so much going on with work, home, etc. but you are the light of my life. At the end of a long day is always you, me, snuggling, music. Even if I only get that one solid hour of Lucia time, I savor it. It renews my spirit, calms me, centers me, reminds me why I have to work all day. I hate being apart from you, but I've accepted it now. It is what we have to do. You miss me too - you climb for me, reach for me when you see me after work. When Daddy comes to meet me at the bus stop and you are in the backseat, that first glance you get of me, your face lights up. That smile is the light I look forward to all day.
I love you, princess. You are such a blessing.
Love, Mama
Wow... So you love to show off now. You are gaining weight like a rock star, finally developing chubby baby parts I've missed - cheeks, legs, arm dimples, belly. You had gotten so skinny your ribs were popping out. Glad to see you thriving and looking healthier. The Duocal has really helped you gain and your appetite has gotten stronger as well. You finally have two little teeth caps poking through on the bottom. Those teeth are taking their sweet time coming through, but you are working on them. You are a drool fountain. But despite the pain, you are so happy, smiling, laughing. You are exploring your new teeth with your tongue and often it's sticking out. When you eat you stick out your tongue, move it side to side, make such silly faces. You've tried so many new foods - your newest is watermelon. You like the mesh feeder, but you sometimes twirl it around in your fingers, hold the mushy food side and stick the handle in your mouth.
You love to show off how you can stand - you even pulled yourself up to your activity table to stand all by yourself!! You are tumbling sometimes, and it is scary for me to watch but it's normal. I try to catch you but I don't always. Luckily you recover very quickly. You are such a strong girl, you roll with it. You are so strong, so brave. You are not intimidated - you keep trying, and you know you will get the hang of it. You love to sit on your stool and reach for toys. You love rolling all over now. You love being on your tummy - I remember when this was a battle. I looked down from the dining room to where you were playing on the living room floor and I saw beginnings of crawling - saw you scooting around, spinning, trying to coordinate hands and feet together. You are almost there. We better work on babyproofing soon...
You love to talk, sing, vocalize, test the limits of your voice. And you love music. You are motivated by anything with music. I rocked you to sleep to Elvis the other night - his sweet voice is one of your favorites. Our new bedtime song is "Can't help falling in love with you". Caught Daddy dancing with you to "I only have eyes for you" also...You have truly captured our hearts and you are such a joy. You truly live up to your name. Life can be so hectic, especially these days with so much going on with work, home, etc. but you are the light of my life. At the end of a long day is always you, me, snuggling, music. Even if I only get that one solid hour of Lucia time, I savor it. It renews my spirit, calms me, centers me, reminds me why I have to work all day. I hate being apart from you, but I've accepted it now. It is what we have to do. You miss me too - you climb for me, reach for me when you see me after work. When Daddy comes to meet me at the bus stop and you are in the backseat, that first glance you get of me, your face lights up. That smile is the light I look forward to all day.
I love you, princess. You are such a blessing.
Love, Mama
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
May 18, 2011
Dear Lucia,
You are over 8 months now. In typical Lucia fashion, you are showing off. I cannot put into words the relief I feel when you reach another monumental milestone. Also, the pride. I am so proud of you. We all have worked so hard to get where we are today, but you have worked the hardest. You are so determined, so motivated. You inspire me. Here I complain about squeezing a workout in on a busy workday. You are accomplishing greatness. They were so worried about your weakness and low muscle tone. But we worked - we did exercises, repetition, muscle memory, strengthening you, and you took off and showed improvement. Over the course of last week, we saw a difference. By Saturday, we stopped in Cottontails to look for an activity table - if you have toys to play with and amuse you, we figured you would be motivated to stand. I held you up to the first table we saw, and you just stood while I supported your hips. Wow. Next table, same thing. I was cautious and didn't want to let go. On the way out, we saw a play kitchen, and I wanted to show Daddy. I said, "Look at Lucia go!" and he told me to let go, and I did. And you stood, facing this little play stove with pots and pans. And you were playing. And I let go... !! You are amazing. I called your therapists to tell them and they were so proud of you. Since then you have done it more or less every day and we've captured photos of this milestone. Every day when I feel sad (it's been a very rainy, gray week) I look at your picture hanging by my desk, and I smile. I am so proud of you. Proud isn't the word. Amazed. You are growing up so fast. You are gaining weight; I can tell. Your face looks chubbier, your clothes fit you better. You are so amazing, little girl.
You still continue to have little interest in fruits, but you LOVE spinach. I made you a little mix of spinach, rice, milk, and will add some tofu...it's like your saag paneer. You love veggies. I'm going to experiment with spices, too. I'm so proud of myself for making your food. It only takes an hour or so on Saturdays and I have weeks' worth of food in my freezer. You are worth it, and I am proud of myself for ensuring you have fresh food, expressed milk (even though 8 months of pumping has been exhausting, stressful, aggravating). You are worth it. Your health is the most important thing in the world to me. You have continued to thrive (failure to thrive? um, no) and you haven't gotten sick once. Obviously what we're doing is working. You are such a wonderful, happy, laughing, talkative baby (Da-da-da continues to be your favorite word!). You obviously miss me when I'm at work because when I get home, all you want is for me to hold you, and you hug and kiss me. You need me, and I need you. Our relationship has never been all one-sided, me taking care of you. You take care of me too. I need these snuggles with you. There is no better feeling in the world than being able to cuddle you at the end of the day.
I love you, Lucia. Now that you are making so much progress it's time to slow things down a bit. Don't grow up too fast on me...
Love, Mama
You are over 8 months now. In typical Lucia fashion, you are showing off. I cannot put into words the relief I feel when you reach another monumental milestone. Also, the pride. I am so proud of you. We all have worked so hard to get where we are today, but you have worked the hardest. You are so determined, so motivated. You inspire me. Here I complain about squeezing a workout in on a busy workday. You are accomplishing greatness. They were so worried about your weakness and low muscle tone. But we worked - we did exercises, repetition, muscle memory, strengthening you, and you took off and showed improvement. Over the course of last week, we saw a difference. By Saturday, we stopped in Cottontails to look for an activity table - if you have toys to play with and amuse you, we figured you would be motivated to stand. I held you up to the first table we saw, and you just stood while I supported your hips. Wow. Next table, same thing. I was cautious and didn't want to let go. On the way out, we saw a play kitchen, and I wanted to show Daddy. I said, "Look at Lucia go!" and he told me to let go, and I did. And you stood, facing this little play stove with pots and pans. And you were playing. And I let go... !! You are amazing. I called your therapists to tell them and they were so proud of you. Since then you have done it more or less every day and we've captured photos of this milestone. Every day when I feel sad (it's been a very rainy, gray week) I look at your picture hanging by my desk, and I smile. I am so proud of you. Proud isn't the word. Amazed. You are growing up so fast. You are gaining weight; I can tell. Your face looks chubbier, your clothes fit you better. You are so amazing, little girl.
You still continue to have little interest in fruits, but you LOVE spinach. I made you a little mix of spinach, rice, milk, and will add some tofu...it's like your saag paneer. You love veggies. I'm going to experiment with spices, too. I'm so proud of myself for making your food. It only takes an hour or so on Saturdays and I have weeks' worth of food in my freezer. You are worth it, and I am proud of myself for ensuring you have fresh food, expressed milk (even though 8 months of pumping has been exhausting, stressful, aggravating). You are worth it. Your health is the most important thing in the world to me. You have continued to thrive (failure to thrive? um, no) and you haven't gotten sick once. Obviously what we're doing is working. You are such a wonderful, happy, laughing, talkative baby (Da-da-da continues to be your favorite word!). You obviously miss me when I'm at work because when I get home, all you want is for me to hold you, and you hug and kiss me. You need me, and I need you. Our relationship has never been all one-sided, me taking care of you. You take care of me too. I need these snuggles with you. There is no better feeling in the world than being able to cuddle you at the end of the day.
I love you, Lucia. Now that you are making so much progress it's time to slow things down a bit. Don't grow up too fast on me...
Love, Mama
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