November 9, 2010

Dear Lucia,

I never did make it back on the other day. You distract me. You are too cute. I can't believe you are 8 weeks old already. You are making so much progress each day. You are taking more and more full bottles of milk! You eagerly want this tube out of your nose! You pull it out often, but also, you are eager to take more bottles. You root all the time, even on Daddy's nose! You are showing so many signs that you are a healthy, active baby. You are awake more and more during the day, and I love it. You have hours where you are wide-eyed, staring at me. You love tummy time on the Boppy pillow - the other day you were reaching for toys within reach. You love to practice lifting your head up. You do this when I hold you, and you are getting stronger. You love your activity mat - you are so engaged and curious. You continue to love your bouncer. Anything that vibrates and plays soft music is your comfort zone.

I love being home with you. We took a nice walk today in the sunshine. So far this autumn is beautifully mild. We have a nice stretch of sunny warm days ahead. I look forward to more walks. I'm so glad that I'm no longer bleeding and my body feels stronger. We walked for a good hour today which I needed. You stayed awake for half of the time, but you fell asleep for the ride home. You woke up briefly to cry and then stared at me, confused, not recognizing me with sunglasses on. Then you fell asleep again. You are such an easygoing baby! I love your being awake more - you sit and watch me pump after your bottle. You are probably wondering what I'm doing and why you can't just get your milk from the source directly. Hopefully... you are making such strides. We have another appointment with a feeding team tomorrow and I hope we have good news. You are doing so well. I'm nervous about leaving you to go back to work. I hate the idea of leaving you and I hope I can work from home. Even if I'm working, I can be near you and feed you, take you to doctors' appointments. You are such a strong little girl, and you give me strength. I know we've been through so much, and we can make it through anything together, you and I. I know that, and yet, I'm heartbroken about being separated from you. I'm trying next week to start little outings as trials. It doesn't hurt that one of my outings is for a massage that your Daddy had gotten me for Valentine's Day. I need a massage so it should be easy to get me out for that. I know we can handle it.

I'm excited about spending the holidays with you. I am shopping for cute holiday dresses for you, my little princess. Every day is Christmas with you around. I have all that I need now that you're home and healthy. That is all I wanted. When it seemed you it wouldn't make it, all I wanted is for you to come home with me. It sounds corny, but it's true. Having you home is the best thing in the world and is all I could want in the world. I can't think of anything aside from losing my pregnancy weight that would make me happy. I wake up every morning to your face. Being home with you on my maternity leave and spending time with you has been such a joy to me. Having fun days just taking care of you is amazing. I enjoy every second we have together, even if I have a busy day like today. I finally ordered a baby carrier and it will be easier to go out with the pugs on walks, tote you around the house to clean. I can hold you close to me, which I love.

Ok, you are waking up, and I need to eat dinner. I am so proud of you, and I love you so much. You are so beautiful, and your smile is all I need to get through any tough times. I have been hormonal and emotional and postpartum times ten, but you calm me, center me. Whenever things feel overwhelming, all I need is to hold you. Everything slows down and all that is important is that you are here with me.

I love you, Lucia!!

Love, Mama