March 21, 2011

Dear Lucia,

As I type this, it's snowing. It's the first full day of spring, and it's snowing.

You are over 6 months now, and you are getting so big. I can't keep up with all of your changes. We had a test last week to see if your swallow had improved. You are getting there, but you are still aspirating thin liquids into your lungs. We still need to thicken your milk. But... we also tested how you did with purees and you did fine! You can't wait to have more foods. You took the spoon very well, and you seemed very interested in the taste and texture of rice cereal. I hope this will help with your weight gain a bit. You are such a long, lean string bean!! You are 26" and still less than 13 lbs. Your head circumference and length are on track, so your doctor isn't terribly concerned. You are very active! You must have your father's metabolism; you sure didn't inherit mine. Good for you. :)

You are making amazing strides in physical therapy. I believe the word Cheryl used last week to describe her thoughts was "ecstatic". :) You love working on the ball, and you are getting stronger core muscles every day. You like tummy time a little bit more because you roll over onto your back very easily. So when you get mad enough, you roll over. It's hard to keep you on your tummy. You are practicing sitting up unassisted. This makes me smile because this is what all babies are doing. You are not behind. You are on track. I'm starting to feel a little something like relief. Of course I still get scared. Of course. But at the same time, what I see are weaknesses and strengths, which are characteristic of all people, babies and adults. I don't see anything that you can't do. You just need a little support and help in certain tasks. You are so focused, so driven, that you work hard to complete anything you are given. You are a fast learner. It was hard to see that you are still aspirating, but the dr reminded me of your "rough start" which I of course already remember and can never forget. At the same time, however, it's amazing to think that so far this is our main issue. This is workable, you will do this. We learned exercises to do and ways we can assist you, and we will do that. You can do this.

So that is where I choose to focus. Optimism. You have overcome so much. You will get there. Remembering your painful first few days on this earth, I am humbled and reminded of how much you have accomplished. I look at you every night at bedtime, and I kiss you and thank you for fighting to come home to us. You are my beautiful, happy little girl. You haven't said "mama" yet, but you say, "mmmm-ma" which is close enough for me. You are my little girl. At nighttime I hold you and I dance with you, and it is the highlight of my day. As hard as it is to go back to your birth, it puts everything into perspective for me.

I love you, big girl!

Love, Mama